Running
by The Freak Queen
Summary: "It had always been this way." Shinon has been running all his life, from his father, from the Greil Mercenaries, from himself. But now he has to decide- will he keep running... or will he find a reason to stay? ShinonxOC, don't hate me, I just thought he deserved a happy ending! He's not a bad guy, really! It only says complete- I'm still working on editing, but only if you review
1. Chapter 1

Running

_"You- you're- running… away?"_

_The boy looked up at his father, readying himself for the blow that he was sure was coming. He resolved not to close his eyes or flinch, he resolved not to make a sound, but most of all, he resolved not to cry. He would not, under any circumstances, allow this man to decide whether tears would spill down his cheeks._

_What he wasn't ready for was the laughter._

_"You go ahead," his father managed between guffaws, then quickly swallowed down his mirth._

_"You go ahead and run, boy. You run as far and as fast as you can run, and whether you come running back or die from exhaustion, you think of me. You think of me boy, and remember what I'm about to tell you: you will _never _make it."_

_The boy picked up his bag, slung his bow over his shoulder, and slammed the door as hard as he could with his small, long fingered hands. He heard his father cursing drunkenly behind him, but didn't run. He wouldn't run unless his father ran after him._

_After three steps, he knew that he had heard that door close for the last time when he had slammed it before. His father wasn't coming after him, not in rage and certainly not in love. He didn't get to run that day._

_Instead, Shinon walked away._

It had always been this way.

He repeated this over and over in his head like a mantra, convincing himself it was true.

_It had always been this way._

_But maybe, _he thought to himself, _maybe… it doesn't have to be._

He shook his head. Best not to start thinking like that; he didn't want to go soft, after all.

He continued to throw clothes into his bag. It wasn't the same bag he'd used all those years ago- he wasn't sentimental like that. This bag was newer, better quality than the one he'd had as a boy. He had saved for months to get the bag, just because he figured it was almost time again. He wasn't smart like Soren was, but it didn't take a whole lot of brains to see that he had a pattern. Sometimes it would be months, sometimes years, but always, when he got comfortable enough to start settling, something would happen to scare him away. And then, he'd run.

Again.

So he'd saved, knowing that it was almost time to leave again. After months of saving, he finally had enough, and it just happened to be his birthday. He didn't celebrate his birthday- he never had- but he figured it was a good excuse to treat himself. He waited until he knew the streets would be semi-clear, and headed over to the shop to buy the bag; when he arrived, it was gone. All those months of saving, and in the end, _she _had bought him the bag.

He could still remember the first time he saw her.

_"Hey!"_

_The girl sitting on the bed snapped her head up from her book to look at him. He could tell from her expression that he had startled her._

_"Yeah, you- are you the healer?"_

_"No, I'm not the healer. Although, I don't think you're going to be any more impressed with him than you are with me."_

_But he _was _impressed with her- well, with her looks at any rate. Her blonde hair and blue eyes made him think of the stories he used to hear while he was sitting outside of houses at night. And, of course, her body was amazing. She was definitively feminine, with all the right curves in all the right places. She was, in a word, stunning. And he wanted, in three words, to screw her._

_"So why are you here if you're not the healer?" Shinon queried. Picking up a chick in the infirmary was something he hadn't tried before- that was more Gatrie's style- but the way he saw it, she would most certainly be worth it._

_No sooner than he let the question pass his lips did the healer come into the room from behind him._

_"Ah, Emily, good to see you can finally sit up." The healer was an older man, and his robes were black instead of the usual white robes of a priest. _Of course_, Shinon had to himself at the time. _Everything in Daein is black.

_"Good isn't the word I would use. I can still barely support myself on my elbows," the girl grimaced. The healer motioned her to turn around- and Shinon almost lost his breakfast._

_Across her back, from shoulder to shoulder, was an ugly, gaping wound. It looked quite deep to Shinon- he thought it may have even hit bone- and it was weeping clear liquid down her back. He supposed that would be the reason for her shirt style; he could tell when he first saw her that it tied around her neck and had almost no fabric to cover her back._

_The healer dabbed at the wound with a cloth, and to her credit, the girl didn't squeal or flinch. After applying a vulnerary and wrapping the wound as best he could, the healer turned to Shinon._

_"Well, what are you here for?"_

_Shinon didn't answer right away, still trying to recover from the sight of the girl's- _Emily's- _injury. It wasn't like him to become nauseated at such things; he had watched men's guts spill onto the ground in the middle of battle and not once been sickened like that. But that was the difference. While those men he had seen die and even killed himself had been in the middle of a battle, it was clear that her injury wasn't a battle wound. Not only did she look unhardened by battle, the injury itself looked as though it had been inflicted while she was tied down._

_"I came to get my leg fixed up, but if you just toss me what's left of that vulnerary I'll be fine."_

_The healer looked at him skeptically, then tossed him the package of herbs. He looked at Shinon's arm as he caught the bag, and sized up the rest of him as well._

_"You're an archer aren't you?" he asked Shinon._

_"I'm the greatest archer on the continent, you twit. Now go pray for somebody's soul or something." _

_The healer wasn't deterred in the least._

_"Take her to the practice area and teach her to shoot a bow."_

_Before Shinon could tell the healer to screw off, that he wasn't teaching some blonde chick any of his skills, she answered for him._

_"Joshua, I can't shoot. I can't even hold one of the damn things correctly. Don't make this mercenary teach me something that I already know I can't do." She surprised Shinon with her vehemence. He should have been offended at being referred to as "this mercenary," but she seemed to be less concerned with that fact than the "fact" that couldn't shoot. The healer seemed to be just as surprised by her outburst as Shinon, but he continued anyway._

_"Emily, that knife cut through your muscle as well as your skin. If you don't do something to try and strengthen the muscles, you will never be able to use them again."_

_Both Shinon and the girl took note of the phrasing Joshua had used. Not "may never." Not "might not."_

_Will never._

_"Come on, I'll take you to the practice area," Shinon said to her. He didn't know what made him do it- hell, he _still_ didn't know why he said that- but he meant it. It was completely out of character for him to give out charity, and yet here he was. Memories were probably to blame for his lapse in judgement. He had once been beaten so severely by his father that he couldn't move for a week, and he remembered how helpless he'd felt. If what this healer, Joshua, was saying was true, she would be that helpless for the rest of her life. Unless he helped her._

**Author's Note: This was supposed to be a oneshot. It isn't. no, because I have some sort of psychological desire to ramble on meaninglessly- is that even a word?- this "oneshot" has turned into a four or five part story. There is a Shinon oneshot in the future, if I can bloody well figure out how to shut up! Also, I have made "mistake" that other Shinon fans make… he never mentions his father, but he does mention to Ike in a base conversation in PoR that his mother never hugged him. I have given him an abusive father, and not mentioned his mother. Oh well- we'll just call it imaginative license. :) Don't get me wrong on the note about Shinon's family, I'm not criticizing anybody- remember, I have just done the same thing! just sayin', it's something to consider if anyone wants to try to write something about him. Make of this what you will.**


	2. Chapter 2

Thinking back on it now, he _could_ pinpoint the reason for his actions. All those times he had slept outside of some _other_ child's house, listened to _their_ mother or father tell them _their_ favorite stories. He was trying to be the hero, like the young men in those stories. They were all basically the same- a strong, sword-wielding hero would save the blonde, blue-eyed princess from the evil magician or scary sub-human. Then they would get married and have kids and everything that he wanted but could never have.

He hated those stupid stories.

Shinon tied the bag closed, pulling the knot tight with more force than necessary. The string creaked, but didn't break. He was angry, at her, at the situation, at _himself. _As much as he hated to admit it, his father was right; he was never going to make it. He'd figured that out long ago. You could never make it when you ran away from something, because "away" didn't exist. There was nowhere to go to, and without a definite end, you would just keep running. At this point he'd been everywhere anyway. Crimea, Daein, Begnion, even Gallia. There was nowhere left for him to go.

He could hear the front door closing, someone calling his name. _She _was calling his name.

Shit. He hadn't wanted it to be this way, he'd hoped that he would be long gone before she got home. He'd even written her a note, a piece of paper filled with lies about not being ready to be what she needed him to be, the truth about how she deserved someone better. A piece of paper filled with sweet nothings and ending on a bitter note. That was what had hurt him the most to write, the end of the note. It hurt so much that he hadn't even signed it. He didn't want to claim ownership of that note.

He grabbed his bow and slung it over his shoulder, just like he had so many times before.

_"Shinon, I can't shoot this thing!"_

_He stood there beside her, watching her try to hold the bow. It was a child's bow, to avoid causing further injury to her back while trying to help her heal. She had obviously never done this before- even Rolf had had a vague idea of what he was doing when he had started his training under Shinon. Her stance was wrong, her grip was wrong, and just the sight of her holding a weapon of any kind seemed _wrong_. He sighed internally, wondering if it was even worth it. Rolf at least had some potential. Emily… didn't._

_"Emily, if you don't pull back on that drawstring in the next ten seconds, I am going to hit you."_

_She dropped her hands to her sides, bow hanging from her loose grip._

_She had five seconds left…_

_He didn't know whether or not he really _was_ going to hit her. As apt as he was to get into a brawl, there was something about hitting a woman that was… distasteful… to him. Still, they'd been standing there for two hours already, and it was their third day of trying to get her to pull the drawstring. It was exhausting, more so than trying to teach Rolf had been. The kid might have been a crybaby, but at least he had enough confidence to try. Emily had no confidence at all, at least not in herself. He could tell that she trusted him to be as good a teacher as he could be, but she just couldn't do what he was asking her to do. _

_One second…_

_She brought the bow up into the proper shooting stance, bringing it to half draw._

_Shinon allowed himself a small, quick smile. Figuring that he should meet her halfway, he walked over and stood behind her, his stomach almost brushing her back. He was careful to avoid touching her wound as he adjusted her slightly._

_"Here," he breathed, "soften your elbow here… shoulders back a bit…" She was tall for a woman; he only had to drop his head a little to whisper his instructions into her ear, and he was a tall man himself. She responded to his instructions without protest and almost the instant he gave them. He found he was getting distracted by her hair- it smelled sweet, like the wild lilies Mist used to bring back to the fort._

_Eventually, he had nothing left to correct in her stance, but he found himself loathe to step away from her._

_"All right- now here's the real test," he said. He brought up one hand to the bow, placing it over hers, and put his other hand on the drawstring, again over her own hand. He pulled on the string slightly, and she pulled with him. He guided her motion carefully, until she had pulled the bow to full draw. Only then did he step back._

_She held the position for a few seconds, then slowly brought the bow back down to the ready position without releasing the string._

_"Good," he told her, watching a smile start to form. Before she could start feeling too full of herself, he smirked and shook his head._

_"Now do it again, with an arrow this time."_

When he looked up, he could see her blocking the doorway from his- their- bedroom. She was holding the note in her hands, and her face…

He turned away, not wanting to see her expression. He knew what she looked like when she was hurt, and he didn't want to see it. He had comforted her so many times when she was hurt, and it made him sick to realize that now, he couldn't comfort her until that expression was wiped off her beautiful face. He couldn't make her feel better, because he was the reason she felt the way she did.

"Shinon? Shinon- Shinon, _look at me._"

He did. Her lips were pressed into a tight, thin line and her eyes had tears threatening to spill over. She wasn't crying, but she was as close as he had ever seen her come to it.

"Shinon, what the hell is this?"

He didn't reply. He just pushed past her and headed for the front door.

_"Wait! Shinon please, I didn't- I didn't mean to offend you. Shinon, please!"_

_He stopped, his hand on the doorknob. He didn't turn around, just listened to the sound of her breaths, short and shallow, panicked. He wanted to tell her it was fine, that it didn't matter, because it _shouldn't_ matter. Not anymore._

_But for some reason, it _did_ matter. He could have told her about his father, his life with Greil, his friend Gatrie, or how much he hated Ike. But he couldn't bring himself to answer her question._

_"Shinon, if you don't want to tell me why you decided to side with Daein, you don't have to. I won't… I won't ask again. Just… please…don't leave yet."_

_He turned around. What was it about her? He had long ago finished teaching her how to shoot. She had plenty of room in or improvement, Goddess knows she did, but he couldn't actually _teach_ her anything else. Not with a bow anyway… but it didn't matter. She wasn't his to teach anymore. In the end, she never had been. She was engaged to be married- at the end of the month, no less. Sure, he could have a fling with her, but with her… he couldn't figure out what was wrong with himself. He had never balked at the idea of sleeping with a married woman, and she wasn't even married yet. There was still time. She had been hinting at all kinds of things in the past weeks, but he didn't want her. Well, that wasn't true, he did want her. He wanted to do all kinds of things to her, with her, but he wanted her to be _his. _Completely, unconditionally his._

_Forever._

_ He didn't understand what made him think that way. It was similar to what Gatrie said he felt every time he saw a beautiful woman, but it couldn't fall under the name Gatrie had given it…_

_Could it?_

**Author's Note: This may be longer than anticipated. I'm not quite sure why I'm putting in these notes, as I am posting these pieces all at once. Guess I just want to give you a heads up about the length of this thing. also, apologies if Shinon seems out of character. I am running (see what I did there? XD) on the assumption that, like I said in the summary, he isn't really a bad guy. I had to make him a bit more sensitive to make this work, but hopefully it isn't as bad in the past (the big sections of italic paragraphs, to clarify) as the present, but… oh who cares. I love Shinon, and he deserves to be happy. Now, if you desire, bombard me with comments about how I destroyed Shinon's personality. I. Dare. You. (Gives non-existent crowd an evil glare.)**


	3. Chapter 3

"What did I do, Shinon? I've never asked you for anything you weren't willing to give. I didn't ask you to stop being a mercenary. I didn't ask you for a ring to prove your loyalty. I haven't forced you to come home earlier, or ask if you've been seeing someone else. If you can give me just one good reason _why_, I will let you walk out that door, and never bother you again."

She still wasn't crying. She was pleading with him.

She just didn't understand, she _couldn't _understand. He had to leave her, because she deserved someone who made her happy, who didn't drink too much, because he hated himself. Yes, he would be the first to say it, he hated himself more than he hated anyone or anything else, with no exceptions.

But that wasn't true- he did hate someone else more.

_He woke up in her room, in her bed. His shirt was gone, but he was still wearing his trousers. He tried to remember what had happened last night, but couldn't retrieve any memories after their fight. He had left the room, angry at himself for not being able to answer her question. He didn't know why he had sided with Daein. He just… had._

_After that, he must have gone out to a bar and gotten drunk. He also deduced that Emily must have followed him, or at the very least found him passed out somewhere, and managed to get him up to her room. Speaking of Emily…_

_He sat up suddenly, looking for her. She was sitting on a chair in the corner, reading. She was like Soren in that respect, always had her nose in a book when she wasn't busy. Shinon noticed that she had a pack of ice held to the side of her face._

_"Emily, what happened?"_

_Startled, she dropped her book and the ice to reveal a large bruise on her cheek. Shinon felt his stomach drop- it was about the same size as his fist. He was a violent drunk, just like his father, always had been, but he didn't think he was capable of hitting Emily.._

_"I- it's fine, Shinon. It's nothing. Don't worry about me- how are you feeling?" she smiled. He could see the pain it caused her just give him that small comfort, to let him see her smile._

_He threw off the blanket and walked over to her, kneeling beside her and looking at the bruise. She winced slightly when he grabbed her face; he noted that if it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have shown that small window of vulnerability. She didn't protest as he moved her head around, tilting it this and that, searching for more damage. There was none._

_"Emily, did I… did I do this to you? Did I hurt you last night?"_

_"No. You were drunk, and a bit violent, but you didn't do this. You did try to kiss me, though."_

_He ignored her joking comment._

_"Who did this to you?"_

_Her eyes widened- she had noticed the change in his voice. He had gone from sounding concerned to being angry. No, not angry- he was royally pissed. He was going to find whoever had done this to her, and he was going to put an arrow in his eye. He didn't often let people close to him- Gatrie and Rolf had been the only two, and he didn't have to protect them in the same way he did Emily. Well, Rolf wasn't good to go on his own yet, but Emily- he still couldn't explain it. He just felt so protective of her._

_Maybe he really was fall-_

_"N-n-nobody. Shinon please, don't do anything stupid," Emily said. Her voice had changed as well, he had never guessed she could be capable of sounding so… indifferent while pleading with someone. An odd combination, to say the least. She was pleading, but she was trying to make him rationalize at the same time._

_He didn't care. Rationalization was the furthest thing from his mind at that moment._

_"Give me his name, Emily. Tell me who hurt you, or I swear I will go looking for him myself. And you won't like my method of search."_

_Again, _what the hell_? Nobody got under his skin like that. Rolf got hurt, cried, and Shinon told him to get over it. Gatrie got turned down by his latest "true love," Shinon found him, bought him a drink while Gatrie sighed and moped. Emily got a bruise on her face, told him she was fine, really _was_ fine, and he wanted to feather the man who'd done it._

_Maybe he really was falling in l-_

_"My fiancée. Nathaniel," she replied, sounding more like Soren with each word that left her lips. "Don't be stupid Shinon. I'm not daft enough to think that I can stop you, but I can ask you- don't do this. He's strong, and if you shoot him you'll be hanged."_

_"Only if they catch me."_

"So that's it, eh? You have- you have… nothing… nothing to say to me? Just a stupid little note telling me things that you know I don't believe? Telling me that you don't love me anymore?"

It had always been this way.

"What's always been this way, Shinon?" Emily asked him. He turned around to see that she had finally stopped walking. She had been talking at him since he'd walked out the door, following after him with no shoes or socks on. He cursed himself for letting his mantra slip from his head out of his mouth. Now she thought that he had never loved her.

But it was true. Wasn't it? that's what the note said. That's what he had been telling himself ever since he realized he was going to run again. He didn't love anybody. He didn't love her.

Did he?

Love. What a stupid emotion. Of course he didn't love her. Except that maybe, he did…

He had helped her recover from an injury he hadn't caused, for no reason, and asked for no payment. He had refrained from killing her fiancée because she asked him to, and he didn't want to hurt her by getting himself killed or hurt. He hadn't taken advantage of her the time he caught her in nothing but her underwear, which was most definitely not his style. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to make a lewd comment, walk over, and hopefully get laid. He hadn't done that.

He'd told her, eventually, that he didn't know why he joined Daein's side in the war, although that was after the war itself. He was in a bar, eyeing up some beauties across the room, when a woman had sat beside him and ordered "whatever he's having." He almost spilled his drink when turned and saw that it was Emily. He did choke a little though.

He told her no when they'd stumbled to the inn she was staying at, both drunk, and she told him to screw her. He'd let her hit him, then held her after she collapsed on the bed.

He finally said yes a week later when they were both sober. He made sure they went slow to start, not wanting to hurt her.

He moved her into his room in the mercenary fort three years later, after the continent had turned to stone and been.

He moved out with her after he returned.

He got her pregnant.

He bought her a ring. After all the times he'd convinced himself that he didn't want to get married- ever- he had bought her a ring. That was about the time he decided it was time to run again.

And, he decided, he was right. It _was _time to run again. For all the times he had thought of sleeping with another woman while he was away from her, he hadn't, and he'd forgiven her imperfections. She'd loved his own, and even fixed the majority of his drinking problem. He did want to run again.

But he was running in the wrong direction.

He turned back, and ran back the way he had come, back to the house, to Emily. The sun had gone down a minute or so ago, but the stars were out. Even if the moon wasn't out, he could see well enough by the starlight to keep from breaking his ankles as he ran along the path. She was still walking back to the house, having followed him about half as far as he had actually gone. He ran right up behind her, put his arms around her waist, and allowed himself to fall backwards, pulling her on top of him.

"Shinon!" she gasped.

She rolled off him, and looked at him, laying on her side. He grabbed his bag, reached into the inside pocket, and pulled out a box.

"Emily, I won't lie to you- I'm not done running."

He opened the box, revealing the ring.

"But, if you'll run with me, I'm done running away."

She didn't say no. she didn't say yes. She didn't say anything at all, and she didn't have to. She just hugged him, ignoring the ring altogether and laughing.

_"You will _never_ make it."_

_But I will now, _he thought to himself. And he would make it.

Because now, he had something to run to.

**Author's Note: Haha! Got it in three- thought it might take four or maybe five chapters! Thanks for reading- hope you enjoyed it. I will be making an _actual_ oneshot (my other personality is saying "yeah bloody right!") about Shinon. It will be the same "pairing" with Shinon and the character I made, Emily, but... less happy. That one will NOT be happy. At all. Sorry about that, but as much as he deserves a happy ending, I have to give him a realistic one as well, because let's face it: Shinon happy is as foreign an idea as Bella from Twilight getting any brains. I am sufficiently prepared for whatever comments I get for my last sentence, so blast away! I don't like Bella or the idea of sparkly vampires, and yes, I _did_ read the books- even the novella that went with the rest of the books. Make of this what you will. Feel free to send your comments, good or bad. It's basically impossible to offend me- if you knew who I really am, you wouldn't be surprised at this. Now! My alternate personality is telling me to shut up! See you (well, not really) at the next fic!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: All right! I know that I'm not supposed to post author's notes as separate chapters, but here you go. I will be giving you a sneak preview (!) of something that is going to make an appearance in my other fic, "The Search," so I don't technically break this rule. Anyways. I was requested by Gunlord500 to continue this story, but I don't really know how. This is a strictly romantic fic, so I can't do what my sister wants me to do, which is send them on an adventure and kill Emily to make Shinon miserable. Not happening sis! So, while I will be fleshing out some bits and pieces, I do need ideas- what do YOU want to see? Should I show the wedding ceremony, or fast forward to their happiness in years to come? Or maybe he was telling this story to his son/daughter. Anyways, the floor is now open. ****You can vote on the ideas I've given, or make up your own. You don't have to be a member of this site to vote either- just send a guest review with your vote i****n it. The review button is at the bottom of the page after every chapter. Feel free to leave your name or the name you want me to credit you by in the review as well! Now, I did promise a sneak peak, so...**

I walk across the open space. The clover is soft beneath my feet, thick and sweet smelling, dotted with its blossoms. The boy from my other dreams is there- when I reach him, he turns and smiles.

"Hello," I say, without knowing why. Last time, he was angry with me, yelling and screaming. Now, he lets his smile widen.

"Hello, Katja."

I hesitate, then take another step forward. He opens his arms and meets me halfway, pulling me into an embrace.

"I'm scared," I tell him. He pulls back a bit and looks at me, searching. His expression is darker now, and I start to panic. For some reason, I just can't bear the thought of him being upset with me...

"I know," he says, "I know you are. But when the time comes, you won't be."

"But I- I can't do it. I don't want to- and..."

"And I can't make you," he finishes.

"But how do I do this without you?" And why do I need you so badly? Who _are _you?

"You can't care about that, Kat," he says. "You don't care about anyone, remember?" His smile returns, but there's an expression in his eyes, the same one that he had when he was yelling. It's not anger, as I had previously thought.

I realize now that it's pain.

"That.. I can't... I don't want to die," I whisper.

He pulls me back for a kiss, and I take this opportunity to run my hands through his hair- it just feels _right,_ I can't explain it...

I break the kiss and put my head on his shoulder.

"It doesn't matter what you think you can _do_- it's what you think you _want_..."

His voice drops to a whisper as he finishes.

"You have to die so you can live..."

**So there you go. Now you now just how deep my cruel, sadistic streak goes. But wait- die so she can _live_? You probably can figure out what that means, it's hardly an original idea, but if I have stumped you, we obviously don't read the same books. ;-) Also, if you can't tell from the small piece you've been given to read, she is dreaming in that section. Now you know what my work looks like _before _editing- lots of one line paragraphs and major overuse of ellipses (...) and hyphens or dashes, whatever you want to call them. That'd be these things (-). Looks a bit like a subtraction sign, no? Well, the whole point of this "chapter," which will disappear once it is no longer needed, is to get you to vote. This in itself serves the dual purpose of giving me ideas to continue with Shinon's happiness and boosting my confidence and self esteem. And the higher these are, folks, the more stuff I write! And I don't mean author's notes! Do with this information what you will.**


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